There were several guys gathered in the pool room, playing bank and carrying on their normal chatter. The talk had turned to gardening as it often did in the late winter when everyone had enjoyed about all the cold, dreary days they could stand. The guys were giving Bubba hell for being a sucker to order tomato plants through the mail.

"I been growing things all my life," said Big John. And he had, too. Before his Daddy and he drank it up in Jack Daniels Sour Mash Bourbon, they had either owned or farmed nearly all the decent farm land in the county. Now Big John was living on social security and attending AA meetings four times a week. He still put in a hellova garden each spring though. "And I ain't ever thought about ordering no plant through the mail. Hell, don't even make sense. What they send the plants in?"

"Truth is they didn't send plants, just seeds." said Bubba.

"Hell you can buy seeds at Wal-Mart or the co-op." put in Red.

"Well, you can't buy seeds like these. When I ordered I thought I was getting plants. That's what the ad on the back cover of the VFW magazine said. But when they came in, it was just seeds and some little plastic containers to plant them in, along with the instructions."

"Hell, they ain't gonna live. How much money'd you piss away on 'em anyway?"

"By god, ya'll be begging for these tomatoes when July rolls around. The ad said they were $2.98 each plus shipping and handling. But if I bought six they were only $1.98 each and the shipping and handling was the same."

"God damn, how much shipping and handling can there be to six damn tomato seeds?" chimed in Kelly. "A damn stamp don't cost but 32 cents, and you can mail 'em all over the world."

"In this case it was $3.95," said Bubba. "You all gonna be kissing my ass for some of these tomatoes in July!"

"What makes them so special?" It was Big John again.

"Well, to start with," answered Bubba. "I'm gonna get 420 pounds to a plant. They grow huge as grapefruits and one slice will fill up the average man."

"God damn, you gonna stake 'em with 4x4's? You gonna have so many tomatoes won't be no need for the rest of us to plant any. Hell you gonna have enough for the whole damn county. Gonna look like a load of watermelons coming to town when you start your harvest."

"Yeah," added Fred. "You better hope they don't all turn ripe on the same day. Can't hardly get rid of 2500 pounds of tomatoes at the farmers market."

"What would be bad would be if they all turned ripe on a day the market wasn't open. Boy, that would be a mess. Twenty-five hundred pounds of rotten tomatoes!"

"Well," said Bubba. "Like I said, you all gonna be wanting some when they come in. Just remember this: when you come asking for five pounds of tomatoes, you gonna have to buy a whole one. I ain't slicing them up !"